May

6

Featured Blogger Tuesday - An Interview with Mir Kamin

Posted by preciouschild

May 6, 2008 |

mkamin_blogher_biz_08.jpgWhat is your name and where do you live?

Mir Kamin – I live in the greater Atlanta area.

Your website?

Woulda Coulda Shoulda and Want Not.

Your kids’ names, ages, and disabilities?

Chickadee is ten and has Seasonal Affective Disorder and mild depression.
Monkey is eight-and-a-half and has a sensory integration or sensory processing disorder (SID or SPD).

Do you blog about their issues? What do you personally get out of that?

I have blogged about both of their struggles, yes. Sometimes I just need to vent. Sometimes I’m proud of the progress they’ve made. Sometimes I need the chance to say to the world what I wish I could’ve said in person, somewhere, but didn’t. With Monkey in particular, I find it very therapeutic to have a place I can say “Hey, remember that kid you saw who was freaking out and you thought he was just a brat? Maybe he’s not a brat. Maybe he’s an amazing kid with a huge heart who sometimes just cannot make sense of the world. I know a kid like that.”

It’s also very important to me that my kids will someday have a real history they can look back on – one where they can see that life was hard and I doubted myself and I worried about them, but above all, I just love them as best I can.

What does a “typical” day consist of for you and your family?

We get up entirely too early and the kids are off to school and the husband is off to work. I work from home, so I do my thing here until the kids return from school, and then we have homework and extracurriculars and they generally have a phone call with their dad, plus we try very hard to sit down together as a family for dinner every night. Once we’ve done all of that, there’s about enough time left for showers and bedtime!

How have their disabilities affected the children specifically? And the family as a whole?

Chickadee has been using a full-spectrum light in the winter with good results. Monkey does a combination of occupational therapy and medication. Both kids do talk therapy. On a practical level, it’s what they need and it does help. Logistically, it often feels like we have a lot more doctors’ appointments than other families.

Because Monkey can be really sensitive to sensory input, it can take a lot more planning to manage any sort of special event – will it be too loud for him? How much time will he be able to handle before it becomes overwhelming? Do we have an “escape plan” if he can’t deal? We often have to spend a lot of time accommodating his needs both at school and elsewhere, and then my daughter starts feeling neglected and acts out and then we have to focus on getting her needs met and then something happens with him… lather, rinse, repeat. It can be exhausting, trying to make sure everyone is okay.

Monkey realizes he’s different and gets very stressed out when he feels like he can’t blend in. There’s a difference, for a sensory kid, between a tantrum and a meltdown (the former is willful, the latter is the unavoidable result of a system in overdrive). The two look the same, though, and he knows people view him critically when he loses it, which compounds his anxiety. Being anxious makes him less able to cope, which makes him more anxious… etc.

I’m divorced from my kids’ father and we don’t always see eye-to-eye on what they need, either. That can be very stressful. Here at home, though, my husband and I have worked out a pretty good system that feels very supportive and productive.

How have their disabilities affected you as a person and as a parent?

I think that – like most childless people – I knew exactly how to parent flawlessly right up until I had a child, myself. Heh. Both kids are teaching me more about compassion and patience every single day.

What did you do right? What do you wish you had done differently?

I’ve always been very proactive about getting treatment for the kids and keeping the communication going between home and school. There have been times, though, when something wasn’t right at school and I agreed (against my better judgment) to “wait and see.” No matter how long I deal with their issues, there’s always still a small part of my brain that whispers that I’m overreacting and I should stop giving the school such a hard time when their needs aren’t met. I am slowly learning to tell that part of my brain to shut up.

What do you want other parents fighting the same fight to know?

Most of all, you have to remember that it gets better. Slowly, but it does. Kids grow and change, for one thing, and what feels overwhelming today is just part of your normal routine by next month. Also, without sounding too corny (I hope) I have to say that lots of love really does make it easier. Not just love for your kids – of course you love your kids! – but also making sure that you have good support and caring for yourself, whether that be carving out time to nurture your significant-other relationship or leaning on friends or whatever. It’s easy to focus in on your kids’ problems; remember that you can’t help them if you’re not taking care of yourself.

Anything you else you wish to share?

When I’m tempted to wish away their struggles, I remind myself that it’s all shaping them into who they are. And who they are is pretty awesome. So.

Mir is another one of my “top 5″ I read, so I was so excited and honored that she agreed to do this.  Thanks again, Mir.


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